Turbo Jam Day 11

How many times have I tried making a go at a fitness routine or building healthy eating habits now on this blog? I sure read, write and think enough about it, but it's doing it that matters. I'm proud of my eating habits through my pregnancy as I nurished my body well and it rewarded me with extremely minimal stretch marks and a completely flat belly once my little girl was out of it (10lb 2oz not so little I supose) It's the porstnatal health that's getting me down.

I had a bit of coasting health from my highly active lifestyle before pregnancy and then during I kept moderately active and conciously ate well for the baby, afterward though through getting off to a rough start with breastfeeding I heard that I was to thin to produce enough milk or wasn't eating enough, so I started eating everything I could find and all my energy was poured into pumping and feeding babe wich meant a lot of sitting around mingled with resting in between. Now that things are going well I want to find an appropriate balance of exercise, nutrition, and rest.

I've succesfully been eating more veggies, among other foods I munched on a head of broccoli and three leaves of lettuce yesterday and I'm very proud of myself for staying away from some birthday cheese cake. In the eleven days I've been following the beginner turbo jam routine I've only eaten clean for one, and that was yesterday. Today was really bad, I ate a big meal at noon, a cream filled crousant at 2, then an enormous meal at 8. Bad portion control and timing, which as I have come to understand are both important aspects in healthy eating.

I really didn't want to do my workout today, not at all, in fact I didn't do it until 11 pm, when I put babe to bed and decided that I was only going to get one chance to put that X on the calandar saying I did my workout today and that was today so I got up and did it yay me!

It doesn't matter that I've many different starts and read many books, it just matters that I don't give up because with dedication I believe I will make it to health again.

The Abs Diet

It's a very good book for learning what to look for and watch out for on nutrition labels, learning how to space out your meals to optimize their benefit to you, and developing a well rounded basic workout routine. The only downfall I found is preference for chemicals in place of natural fats, for example I don't eat margarine or low fat mayonaise as sugested, and I buy 1 or 2 percent yogurt, milk, and cottage cheese and regular mayonaise because small amounts of the natural fats are a necessary part of healthy eating.

I read the Abs Diet in 2007 and learned a lot, in fact it's one of the things that helped keep me at my prepregnancy 155 lbs, unfortunately I've been maintaining my healthy weight so long I don't know how to loose weight. The change of lifestyle that came with having a newborn has me at 177 lbs that's overweight and unhealthy.

My plan is to read the abs diet again, in the back of my mind I sort of thought I'm still incorporating the ideas from the book into my life, but if I'm honest with myself I know it's not true, my diet and lifestyle needs an examination and redirection. I don't think ten oreo cookies, or ten christmas goodies, or fifteen chocolates throughout my day on a regular basis where a part of the plan.

So, to some extent I followed the eating plan today. Exept for the Trix I had for breakfast... but that's not super bad cause I didn't eat a lot and I've been eating good portions at the right times the rest of the day. I need to do food shopping again soon so I'll be getting all kinds of good supplies for healthy eating on this plan.

Day 10 totally broken dieting

Dang. I don't use words like that, I don't even think words like that, I'm a hypercleanmouth/head. I used to feel hot and attractive, eleven months ago. I feel like crap today D= no the diet is not going well nor the excercising. I can't be completely negative though, at almost three months old, the little girl has finally learned how to breastfeed like a champ so, yeah, a beautiful ray of sunshine to brighten my dark day.

I had the flu for the past two days and today woke up with a bladder infection and heat rash ouch it's not fun stuff at all.

My husband has been doing stuff for christmas with his work that I'm not able to come to because of caring for baby so on top of barely seeing him between taekwondo (five days a week) I also haven't seen him all weekend, I used to love doing that stuff with him.

I've been staying at the place where I work the last two days to visit because my house is lonely and since I'm not doing their food shopping anymore they only had tinned soup and peanut butter and jam sandwiches so on top of everything I feel terrible from what I've been eating.

He came to where I work to visit and he disrespects me in front of the youth I work with constantly, "can you get me a cookie I'm feeding the baby" "get your own damn cookie" and didn't want to go home though I was tired of being there especially since one of the girls has taken a particularly bad attitude toward everything and isn't ever happy, I was completely sick of her negative combacks to anything said. So I left and I'm home alone with baby though I do hate being lonely I hate negative attitudes and disrespect more.

This evening I expereinced that frightened feeling that scares me to the marrow of my bones, that I won't be able to take care of her, that I won't be able to handle it and will just break and give up, hand her over to someone and say please I can't take it anymore just formula feed her and leave me alone. But I want so badly to be a good mother and I love her dearly, which is why those thoughts scare me so badly. I couldn't imagine her confused little face wondering why I wasn't there she relies on me completely. I can't even leave her with aunty or grandma with expressed milk to go shopping anymore lately, she won't take her bottle and cries for me almost inconsolably.

I just feel crappy inside and out today. Physically, relationally, emotionally, even spiritually just crappy. My overall health just isn't well.

My "dark day" is pretty pathetic when compared to what other people are going through around the world, I just had to write it out to get my head on straight again and put things into perspective I'm already feeling a bit better about things, thank you blog. And I don't care if I've not done my best these last ten days I'm not a quiter it seems determination is ingrained in my nervous system.

I will beat this and get back on track. I will feel hot and good looking again, I will be in control of my body again to subject it to my dieting, excercise and other wills. I will take my measurements today. Because 20 days from now I'm going to be taking more progress pictures ready or not and there dang (oh oh bad word again) well better be some progress! because there is dang well going to be some effort put it to get them results.

Finally getting back on track

For a while we where so tight on funds that I couldn't afford all the healthy foods I would usually love to be able to buy like fruit and veggies, We where mostly living off the good mercy of parents, going over for meals etc.

Now today I've eaten very well and did an excercise routine to boot.

Excercise: Jillian Michaels - The Biggest winner kickboxing and tomorrow I hope to do another one in that same series.

Food:
Mixed Berry Smoothie
Sole and Veggie Rice
Vector cereal
Yogurt
Pear
Chicken, Crab and veggie stir fry on whole grain noodles
... ok, I had a mars bar =P

After the mars bar I really got track. My husband and I went out to my parents and I had six cookies, a bowl of ice cream, glass of wine and cup of coffee with flavoured creamer.